icouldjustdie

he has a few more than i do. four years between us can feel like a mountain sometimes. there are things that i've yet to learn, and i'm hoping that i'll learn them with him.

this has been good for me, and i love him for it.

graduate school's for losers anyhow. right? i'm pooped. pooped from doing absolutely nothing, and now, all i can seem to do is more of nothing. i don't want to write a personal statement because i'm uninteresting and run-of-the-mill. no more school shit. i can't stand this. i hate writing. i hate it, but i love it more. i just wish i didn't have to write about myself. what a crock of shit. i'm exhausted from being anxious all the time. i'm exhausted from being in a foul mood. i'm exhausted from worrying about other things like boys and love and whether or not it's unrequited. i'm about ready to blow. i need a vacation. i should drive to new mexico, i bet it's quiet over there. be gone with you. graduate school application process. i'm going to crawl under my desk now.

today is the day after chinese new year. yesterday, i didn't leave the house at all. to keep from going crazy, i started drinking at 4 pm . . . i was in bed by 8:30p. thank god. i slept for almost 12 hours. needless to say, I'm very well rested today. yesterday was not a complete wash, though. i learned how to make carrot flowers. very proud. work is busy, which is great. my boss called me a dream come true . . . aww shucks. i'm going to see phil shane gyrate on wednesday. on sat., i get to see my old boss, jon and his wife deb -- they both really love me and austen (and we love them), then i'm going to see of montreal. lucky me. i'm very congested right now. i need drugs. mmmm.... bye.